I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
