last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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