Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize