its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
