Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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