Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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