hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
