Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
