He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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