It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
