dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
