His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
