I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
why is half of my head shaved?
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