I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
