I am full of burrito and curiosity
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
