Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
