I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
