she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
