i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
as a side note pls kill me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
