I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize