you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize