Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
