Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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