Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
