You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
