You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
