I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
