Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
