Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
