So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
