i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
