apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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