is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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