so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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