Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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