My balls are so social today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
