this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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