dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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