I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
