I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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