There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize