hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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