i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
