I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
