Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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