I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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