Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize