I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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