i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
high people should be assigned attendants
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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