who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
