she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it's like iHOP with fire
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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