i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
