I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
