I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
