grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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