he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
