i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He kissed a someone with a penis
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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