Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
