Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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