ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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