dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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