How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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