mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
