I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
