i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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