Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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