So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
