I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
