at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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