We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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