When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
