Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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