Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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