ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
