So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
tell me about the fingering
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