people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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