New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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