K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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