I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
