Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
