So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
