physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
