I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
