he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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