i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
