dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
