I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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