What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i think im in europe. pls send help
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