About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
