Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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