Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
