After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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