So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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